When I first began attending evangelical churches in the late eighties, I really appreciated them welcoming me into their services which they labeled non – denominational. Once they became their own brand, however, it was not one that I could subscribe to. Since I left the church several years ago, I have always hoped for reformation, reconciliation and restoration, but today, I just pray that you would allow me to accept that it never was the moral or spiritual pinnacle that I had once envisioned it to be.
Kavanaugh is yet another CONFIRMATION since Trumpʻs election on November 8, 2016 that evangelical Christians are willing to sacrifice everything to overturn Roe V. Wade. It fills my heart with sadness to witness their continued support for Trump as he aborts the values of honesty, kindness, loving thy neighbor, the sanctity of marriage and just about everything I was taught growing up in the church.
What I have to keep reminding myself is that whether it be Trumpʻs entitlement to grab womenʻs private parts or Kavanaughʻs iluminatti of sexual predators, they parallel fundamentalist Christian teachings which confirm that women are created by God to serve and submit to men in silence. Ironically, their adherence to such values is based upon the teaching and preaching of St. Paul who along with Jesus and even Muhammad for that matter broke new ground for women in their own time which was part of what made these religions so provocative in the first place.
What I have to keep reminding myself is that the lie, lie, lie, deny, deny, deny agenda is something we are also taught in church and it is something I succumbed myself to for most of my young life and that is why it has been so effective for Trump. In fact, I have spent almost ten years in graduate school unraveling all the lies and denials that I was brainwashed with, as I am sure I will continue to do for the rest of my life and this is just part of the process. Unfortunately, neither my two masterʻs degrees in biblical studies nor my knowledge of five biblical languages would qualify me to go back and preach or teach in those churches that raised me because they still forbid women from obtaining such positions of authority and more importantly a voice.
At the end of the day, I still have my faith in Elohim(Gods) and messiah (מָשִׁיחַ) who come (ἐρχόμενος) as supernatural forces to interject in our lives and instigate justice on earth through our love for one another. It is not the type of faith that I was taught in church which begins and ends with the recitation of doctrinal statements or adheres to a strict and literal interpretation of ancient scribes, but it is the constant sadhna (daily ritual practice) to love my neighbor with my words, actions and deeds. I miss having a community of believers to confide in, but I am thankful for the various surfer friends and ohana who God always puts in my path to support me or pray for me when I am in need and I guess I am blessed to experience some version of the real church through them.